Hodag Love

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


Game has been pushed back to a 2pm start time to accomodate the blue v. black game before hand. BBQ will be held at 1117 Delplaine Ct. in Madison, which you can mapquest for directions (by Merriter Hospital...Park/Regent intersection)

Rec Sports is going to be at the fields so there is NO ALCOHOL allowed on the fields. I can't stress this enough. If you need to drink before hand feel free to go to a bar or Hooters or anywhere but the fields. If you need to drink during then drink in your car. Otherwise wait until after the game. Obviously it would be horrible to put their season in jeopardy.

For those of you who are curious about playing time, I will not be trying to call lines, however you should try to play according to your strengths, i.e. if you are completely out of shape and out of practice play defense. I have no idea what our numbers are going to be. There are a number of adopted Hodags living in Madison that will surely aid us if we need numbers, but obviously we will try to play only as alumni if people so desire. See you all Saturday.

Monday, April 23, 2007


First, everyone mark your calendars. Mancation 2008 will be Thursday, March 20, 2008 through Sunday, March 23, 2008 in beautiful Lake Havasu, AZ. Well, it will be as long as some actually figures out a way for us to get on a boat somewhere.


Anyway, on to the long-awaited recap of Mancation 2007. (Note: some parts of the story are a little fuzzy due to massive alcohol consumption. BP, Tyler or Pank might be able to fill in some of the gaps.)

Pank and I arrived in Miami on Thursday night around 10:30pm. Tyler was arriving in Ft. Lauderdale around 11pm, and Paradise was getting into Miami around midnight as he was too lazy to switch planes onto the flight with Pank and myself. So the executive decision was made to temporarily abandon those guys and head to South Beach.

After locating a place that sold imported beers for $3 a bottle and purchasing plenty, we got to people watching on Lincoln Road. Within five minutes, we saw multiple instances of pretty, young girls on the arms of dirty, old men. The term "Retard Punchout" was born to describe any situation where there was a vast difference in talent such as the hot girl / old guy or Mike Tyson in the ring with a retard or anyone versus Bruss in all fantasy sports.

After Tyler and BP made it down to South Beach, we found a few other watering holes before calling it a relatively early evening around 3am. Some people needed their beauty sleep before the impending debauchery.

FRIDAY (aka Get-Reamed-By-Miami-Prices Day)

After a hearty breakfast where Pank, Tyler and BP combined to eat half a cow and an entire pig while laughing at me for ordering fruit, we decided to check out an all day party at Nikki Beach. At 2pm, it was $40 to get in, but for $60, you got VIP seating and the ability to return at any point until the club reached capacity. And it was cash only.

Now for some reason, nothing in that seemed strange to us, so we shelled out the money. That might have been a mistake. First, this "seating" that we were entitled to apparently consisted of the sand on the beach. Or maybe we bought the privilege of buying $300 bottle service along with every other chump in the place. Regardless, we never found the seating and got kicked out of multiple sections. Two, I'm pretty sure the capacity of the place was 37 people. Or at least, that's the number of people that showed up. The damn place could hold a good 500+ people, but they roped off 90% of it so that all 37 were crammed into the same 10' x 10' space. But more on that in a second.

After an afternoon round of drinks that cost approximately $100, we decided to do a little planning. We left Nikki Beach, bought a few cases of beer and headed to South Beach to drink and play some pick-up ultimate. The ultimate consisted of Tyler dominating the game, me dropping everything except for my beer and Pank and BP not coming anywhere near the field. We also tried a short game on stand next to the naked chick on the beach and take a photo. BP stood pretty damn far away.

Upon our return to the hotel for a quick change, we were walking down the hall when Paradise announced that he heard a bunch of women screaming "Shots" from one of the rooms. Apparently being engaged or married means that you can't even investigate the potential of fun as BP and Tyler continued walking past the door. Thankfully, I haven't succumbed to that illness, and I knocked on the door expecting a few average looking women to answer.

Well, the door was opened by some very attractive ladies from the University of Delaware, including two girls who worked as Bud Light models or something like that. I managed not to trip over my tongue and get invited in for shots; however, I did forget about the others until they knocked on the door to invite themselves in as well. The girls needed help testing out their theory that drinking brandy at night prevents a hangover in the morning, and we were willing test subjects. Unfortunately, they had plans to go to Coconut Grove with some friends, which made no sense because the hottest guys in Miami told them they would be at Nikki Beach that evening. Yeah, no dice.

So the evening was spent drinking further at Nikki Beach while checking out all of the hotties in skimpy outfits. Tyler managed to pass out at the club, but then he topped that by apparently pissing and vomitting simultaneously on the way out. (To be fair, he did make it to the bathroom, which was impressive). Oh yeah, BK showed up as well, but we only saw him for a minute. Weird.


Saturday was spent at the beach. Tyler and BP wanted to lay out and get some sun. Pank and I decided to walk the beach mainly to avoid the screams of little children when BP took off his shirt. Note to everyone, the sun in Miami is much more intense that the sun in Appleton. Please remember this to avoid burning yourself, and you may want to remind Tyler of this as well.

While walking Ocean Drive, the UDel girls spotted us, and we made plans for the nightly hotel pre-party. Being true Hodags, there was only one drink that could be served by our room: carbombs. So we purchased the needed supplies and proceeded to do rounds of carbombs with a few rounds of brandy mixed in. (BTW, there might be something to that brandy = no hangover thing as we all felt pretty good the next morning.)

After clubbing the previous night, we decided to hit up a lounge instead. So we headed down to the Delano where we found out that I'm fucking retarded. Even though it's 1000 degrees in Miami, you need pants, not shorts, to get into the upscale places. So while BP, Pank and Tyler breezed right in, I had to talk my way past the bouncer, which might have worked had I not been drunk. Let me put it this way. I'm not Troy Smith. Troy Smith was not staying at the Delano. And Troy Smith's girlfriend (whose name I couldn't even make up) wasn't staying at the Delano either. So I just walked to the back and hopped the fence to get into the club.

The club was pretty sweet with everything being completely open-air and plenty of nice scenery around. Tyler and I got schooled in pool as I couldn't make a shot for shit. BP and Pank managed to talk up some ladies, but that fizzled. All I've got to say is that if this is your wingman, go solo. Trust me.

After grabbing some late-night food and heading back to the hotel, we ran into some of the UDel girls again. You would think that 3am drinks would lead to a good story or something, but no, it just lead to 3am drinks. WTF? I'm blaming Paradise for the bad luck with the UDel girls. With a fiance, house, job, white-picket fence and all other other bs, he was actually (gasp) happy. I think they could tell something was not right with the universe.


Sunday was actually a pretty low-key day. Breakfast was eaten. Tyler laughed so hard that he had to stop eating and actually started crying. Then BP started crying because Tyler was crying. It was strange, but there are photos. Basketball was watched. We hit up the Clevelander for our last night. I was hammered. Pankratz channeled the spirit of black Michael Jackson. People slept for a few hours to avoid missing flights.

Total spent of drinks during four days in Miami: $950
Total spent on hotel during four days in Miami: $0 (don't ask, we don't even know how it happened)
Total hookups: 0 (that we can mention without breaking up a marriage)
Number of fake breasts seen on the beach: lost count after 40
Number of retard punchouts: 18
Number of drunk calls from Bruss in AZ: 1

Mancation 2007: PRICELESS

(Oh yeah, there are more pictures. Check out: Tyler's Page and Dean's Page)

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Billy-Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.

Fucking A right Billy. Indeed some puppies have lost their way and the Hodags, “society”, didn’t know where to find them. Oh sure maybe we looked with a Guinness in one hand and a shot glass of Baileys and Jamo in the other, but were we really checking that church for our missing puppy or just peeing on it? Some of the big names of the drinking game have tapped their last Essen Haus boot, for the comfort of no longer having to smell decent or perform well in bed. We’ve lost some good ones before, but these gentlemen have been true masters of their craft. In Hectoresque manner a quick stock review.

DISCLAIMER: Ladies if you read this its all fun jokes… and I’m still coming to the weddings whether my invite is revoked or not.


On the day the bottom fell out on the Spindler market there was no foretelling that one day the kid who rolled out of the minivan, got nailed in the head with a car door by Carrington, and then crawled to the median to puke would ever make it to puberty much less stay awake long enough to get laid. Prevailing assumptions were that the only way this one would end was a common law relationship celebrated with a Nati Ice and a high five. But a late day announcement was made to the world with an email postulating the question, “hey, do you guys like super awesome times?”. Indeed super awesome times are well enjoyed but how will they change the market value of this highly rated stock?

PRE: Rated a strong sell by the Zach Morrison Investment Group, Bruss Inc Co. has been known to fluctuate wildly in value. Overall aggregate value has become a highly disputed topic amongst investment analysts. Some believe Bruss Inc Co. has retained a nominal high value and should deserve a strong buy rating. Those deeply invested in HyperFrisbeeMegaNet are known to hold Bruss Inc Co. in high regard. But market insiders with knowledge of Bruss Inc Co.’s new penchant for knitting warm wooly socks have deemed this a high risk stock with minimal yield. A poll believed to originate from Gessert.com, but actually just made up, shows a marked drop in most corporate ties and Bruss Inc Co barely holding value below YahooFantasyBaseball, a subsidiary of SucksMyAss Global. The lack of an overall consensus value amongst key industries makes this possible top performer an uncertain commodity.
RATING: Strong Hold

POST: The merger with Martyna Megacorp should not create any major shake ups for Bruss Inc Co. Previous partnerships between these two well respected corporations have shown a high level of synergy with very little downside to lead any to suspect a downward trend in value. However, a major lack of tech savvy especially in the area of communication could ultimately lead to the demise of this once unblastable stock.
RATING: Weak Hold

Next to be reviewed: WannaSeeMyJunk Industries

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Alumni Game

I have recieved word that the game is scheduled for people to show up at (12:00) noon with the game hopefully starting after a little warm-up. The Hodags will then have a blue v. black scrimmage following the alumni game. Game to 15. blah, blah, blah.

A BBQ will be taking place with cooking starting at 6pm (still no location, but I'm working on it). Keep in mind this is a great time to write a donation to the Hodags. In addition, Dean can hopefully enlighten us on how we are attempting to get a tax deduction for the donations.

Without knowing who is attending from the alumni side or the weather, the line is currently Hodags -6 v. Alumni.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

For those not in the know: Alumni Game will be April 28 at UBay starting sometime between 12 and 2. It will be followed by a BBQ, location TBD, and possibly some drinking. I will try to post an update with additional info as soon as I get a chance to talk with Dan. Some sweet write-ups on the hodags website regarding Centex and you can look forward to a blog entry from Pank regarding the first annual Mancation-where life lessons were learned including "E&J Brandy at night=no hangover in the morning"