Hodag Love

Monday, September 18, 2006

Per Charles' Question. The Hodag Drinking 7

So I just read Charlie' s post about who would be the Hodag starting 7. He offered no thoughts so I guess he is waiting for someone else to send down their feelings before disputing them with his own starting line up. So the choices I am making in no way reflect the long list of players who have worn the Hodag uniform. My pool of candidates comes from those I know or know of and whose many exploits have made their way to my ears. So I'm sure guys like Stacy or fucking Huggett have stories to tell but i don't know them. If you feel someone has been excluded or that you deserve to be included in my list well go fuck yourself. Make your own fucking list jerkface.

A few noteable people who did not make the list but should be recognized for one reason or another.
Erik Gessert - Little man, drinks a lot, never seen him drunk
Erich Wolff - Passing out in a bush next to the state capitol and being hauled to the drunk tank
Jimmy McMurray - Being too drunk to remember he didn't live in Madison anymore. Walking into his old place, calling the current resident nerds, and passing out on their couch.
Matt Pankratz - Doesn't make the drunk list because he does the same things when he's sober
Bryan Paradise - So drunk at College Nationals this year that he assumably got up to use the bathroom, turned around and pissed on the bed, which he was sharing with Dean, then laid down, noticing it was all of a sudden wet, not caring, and going back to sleep.
Doug Rassier - Much like Pankratz. Still nutty when sober.
LA Rob Wagner - Being pushed into the pool at nationals naked and in a wheelchair. Also pulling out his junk at Mondays.
Bob Kolstad - Puking all over the indoor patio of the hotel at Nationals.
Jaime Moore - At Highlander games he tried to pick up a 100 lb cement block, keeled over backwards, and had it bounce off his chest. So drunk he didn't feel it. Also so drunk he passed out at UBay fields and a car had to be called to pick him up. Couldn't figure out why his chest hurt the next day.

So I'm sure there are a lot of others of worth but I can't remember or was never told. So on to it.

MY DRINKING STARTING SEVEN

The descriptions brief as each of these guys should already be known for quite a few things.


Jamin

Vitals: Loves carbombs and shotgunning.

Most spoken phrases: What's a Carbomb?
I've never heard of shotgunning. What's a boat race? Where are the boats? Let's rosham for it.

Impressive Stats: I hate to go soft on the first description but I don't know which things might get him in trouble with his girlfriend or the police. I think that fact alone speaks volumes for this guys drunkitude. Rest assured he deserves to lead off the discussion. Jamin, if you want me to add stuff let me know and it can always be revised.

Nate

Much like Jamin all of Nate's redeeming qualities can not be discussed in a public forum. But a few notable qualities included:

Removing garments for unprotected cameras
Unsolicited lapdances to It's Raining Men
Unwelcome in Charleston, SC
Removing garments on stage along with Noah

Freddy

Everyone I think knows this guys exploits. Unrelenting bodily functions along with leaving Fossum to fend for himself passed out behind a van are just a few of the things that make this guy a standout.

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OPIE

Intimate encounters in Nate's bathroom, shiny pants, a drinking ticket a half hour before turning 21, and shorting out my truck with vomit. What else can I say. Plenty.

Riley

A suprise member of the drinking team. But lets face it. This guy is a huge assface when drunk. Flinging full beer cans at Duck Xing this year gets him major street cred. Although if he does it again I swear we'll light firecrackers up his pooper.

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Bruss

Never has unblastable been called so many times and ended with the person passed out in a pile of puke. The king of power hour and the winner of a well used Swank magazine has shown us many times over why drinking in excess may not be such a good idea. And yet he never gave up hope that the next beer would lead to nirvana and not just the porcelain god.

Kubalanza

The door bursts open, in flys Ron, the first words out of his mouth "IAN FUCKING ZIERING!". 14 hours of drinking, losing money, winning it back, and blackjack next to Ian Fucking Ziering and he's still ready to go. The energy level is hi as he runs around the room calling everyone pussies and forcing Worm to run for his life else be beaten to a pulp. We all needed to step up our game to his level else be left behind. Then silence....as Ron passed out and would not rejoin the living for another eleven hours.

Saturday, September 16, 2006












Hey guys... I don't have anything to add to the recollection of Cooler except that I enjoyed playing with some of you again. And I wish there was more drinking. And that Matt Anderson is a real cock - that guy is mean. Once in the middle of a point against Liquid Assets, he donkey punched his defender, scored, then ran back and spiked the disc in his mouth as he lay there unconscious.

Also, in classic Hodag spirit - we attempted to deceive Surely (former Swank guys) by gathering a few actual club players on our team... but the babies came over and cried. And my conscious got the better of me and said we intended to forfeit the entire time. Chumps.

For those that are wondering - I am waiting to play Masters - where you really don't have to practice to play. The reason for this is that I am getting fat. The reason for that is my 2 year old kid.. and the fact that I eat more and run less.

Anyhow, I wanted to post some pictures from Cooler. Enjoy.



The picture above would have made great Bruss for Callahan P.R.
Remember the pansy Soccer jerseys we got? These are from '98, the year before Hodags went baby blue... Maybe next year's Hodags can wear these for a retro tournament.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

First DayO Work


So I had my first day orientation at work today. Hours and hours of stuff that should be boring, but as I grow older hey, that 70% medical coverage on the select plan sounds great! Fantastic. In any case the day ends with a guided tour of all the facilities. The gym, all the eaterys, the probably 10 starbucks onsite. I got a venti coffee frap. excellent. So they are taking us past the sound stages where Oceans 13 is in production. And who should be the first famous guy I see but Mr George Clooney. Now the aisles/roads between the stages are not free of junk. There are all sorts of props and trailers and what not strewn throughout creating the need to keep your head up. On all the corners of the trailers tennis balls have been stuck. And Mr Clooney showed us why. As he passed he flipped his collar up and put his head down in a pretty mediocre attempt at not being noticed. However, with his vision lowered, he became prey to whatever protrusion might block his path. Head down and collar up he walked straight into the corner of a trailer which was thankfully covered with a tennis ball. I laughed inside........ oh yeah, also saw Clint Eastwood.