So I just read Charlie' s post about who would be the Hodag starting 7. He offered no thoughts so I guess he is waiting for someone else to send down their feelings before disputing them with his own starting line up. So the choices I am making in no way reflect the long list of players who have worn the Hodag uniform. My pool of candidates comes from those I know or know of and whose many exploits have made their way to my ears. So I'm sure guys like Stacy or fucking Huggett have stories to tell but i don't know them. If you feel someone has been excluded or that you deserve to be included in my list well go fuck yourself. Make your own fucking list jerkface.
A few noteable people who did not make the list but should be recognized for one reason or another.
Erik Gessert - Little man, drinks a lot, never seen him drunk
Erich Wolff - Passing out in a bush next to the state capitol and being hauled to the drunk tank
Jimmy McMurray - Being too drunk to remember he didn't live in Madison anymore. Walking into his old place, calling the current resident nerds, and passing out on their couch.
Matt Pankratz - Doesn't make the drunk list because he does the same things when he's sober
Bryan Paradise - So drunk at College Nationals this year that he assumably got up to use the bathroom, turned around and pissed on the bed, which he was sharing with Dean, then laid down, noticing it was all of a sudden wet, not caring, and going back to sleep.
Doug Rassier - Much like Pankratz. Still nutty when sober.
LA Rob Wagner - Being pushed into the pool at nationals naked and in a wheelchair. Also pulling out his junk at Mondays.
Bob Kolstad - Puking all over the indoor patio of the hotel at Nationals.
Jaime Moore - At Highlander games he tried to pick up a 100 lb cement block, keeled over backwards, and had it bounce off his chest. So drunk he didn't feel it. Also so drunk he passed out at UBay fields and a car had to be called to pick him up. Couldn't figure out why his chest hurt the next day.
So I'm sure there are a lot of others of worth but I can't remember or was never told. So on to it.
MY DRINKING STARTING SEVEN
The descriptions brief as each of these guys should already be known for quite a few things.
Vitals: Loves carbombs and shotgunning.
Most spoken phrases: What's a Carbomb?
I've never heard of shotgunning. What's a boat race? Where are the boats? Let's rosham for it.
Impressive Stats: I hate to go soft on the first description but I don't know which things might get him in trouble with his girlfriend or the police. I think that fact alone speaks volumes for this guys drunkitude. Rest assured he deserves to lead off the discussion. Jamin, if you want me to add stuff let me know and it can always be revised.
Nate
Much like Jamin all of Nate's redeeming qualities can not be discussed in a public forum. But a few notable qualities included:
Removing garments for unprotected cameras
Unsolicited lapdances to It's Raining Men
Unwelcome in Charleston, SC
Removing garments on stage along with Noah
Freddy
Everyone I think knows this guys exploits. Unrelenting bodily functions along with leaving Fossum to fend for himself passed out behind a van are just a few of the things that make this guy a standout.
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OPIE
Intimate encounters in Nate's bathroom, shiny pants, a drinking ticket a half hour before turning 21, and shorting out my truck with vomit. What else can I say. Plenty.
Riley
A suprise member of the drinking team. But lets face it. This guy is a huge assface when drunk. Flinging full beer cans at Duck Xing this year gets him major street cred. Although if he does it again I swear we'll light firecrackers up his pooper.
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Never has unblastable been called so many times and ended with the person passed out in a pile of puke. The king of power hour and the winner of a well used Swank magazine has shown us many times over why drinking in excess may not be such a good idea. And yet he never gave up hope that the next beer would lead to nirvana and not just the porcelain god.
Kubalanza
The door bursts open, in flys Ron, the first words out of his mouth "IAN FUCKING ZIERING!". 14 hours of drinking, losing money, winning it back, and blackjack next to Ian Fucking Ziering and he's still ready to go. The energy level is hi as he runs around the room calling everyone pussies and forcing Worm to run for his life else be beaten to a pulp. We all needed to step up our game to his level else be left behind. Then silence....as Ron passed out and would not rejoin the living for another eleven hours.